Have you got a long one?

Coming thick and fast

Nothing is racist unless you are being obnoxious

If people can find happiness in a village, you can find it in a medium-sized town

I would be most put out if i was put to the back of the queue.

Can I poke one?

You’re not dripping in gucci are you?

I have been riding all my life

I sat on one of my bollocks yesterday

Why isn’t it pink?

He never comes up my end.

You might be a right spaz in the head and a spaz in bed

She came in at 07:20 and i woke up with a random guy!

Do you need an abdominal thrust?

They’re very good, because they’re pure suction

It was like stabbing a lemon… but only a little bit

Oh, he’s doing the french thing again

Isn’t a homo sapiens a dinosaur

It makes sense doesn’t it because you like garden centres

You’re like Gaddafi

I would rather have a big black man on my screen, than a massive spider

Do you want some mayonnaise?

I cried at the end.

It’s a really small gap how do they expect you to get your finger in there

I’d like to make a friend of him, not to abuse him

I’m kind of camp and in touch with that kind of thing

It’ll go in now!

It only lasted for 30 seconds

I’ve not studied your mum, but if she looks like a sailor, i’ll tell you!

I’m gonna choke on this pencil in a minute

There were balls everywhere

Bum… now tits!

He could say he got it in a swordfight

You pulled it too hard

Be gentle with his crack

I regularly block my toilet. I block it more often than I don’t. Daily.

New Letter

Meg would you like a finger, from me?

It sticks a little bit so… gently feel it

I had a massive paper-round shut up

Seriously, I wanna be there, when that slips out

Do you know what? I’m in love with you

People think I’m gay

She’s got Cox on her mind

This rum is full of balls

I touched yours, to see how deep it was

lift it to my lips please

She’s already been done by the electric one

I’ll kick your head through a window

I’m ready for a lot of sausage let me tell you!

I keep looking at her pickles

Nearly choked on my banana

Fwd

You’re going to get a load of education very shortly.

The shine on his head is a bit of a turn off – it’s brighter than my future

How do you put that in?

Don’t you just love horns?

They look like they were poured into that seat

I’ll clack me clacker up

I’ve been in impossible spaces

I’ll be swooning

You’re a peasant

Does he want to join as well?

All the stuff they swallow

Jolly well get over there

I need a nap

Listen! I’m not your performing monkey right!

I like it in there, it’s cold and makes noises.

I had a taste of his bhuna (I bet you did)

I’ve got some nuts!

Do it, it buzzes in your hand

I’m strictly bareback

I like sausage, alright…

FWD

Even if I was bored I wouldn’t stick something up my bum

Rob’s autistic

An expert in blowing Kev’s trumpet

I would like your balls please

I didn’t know… that rice affects your sugar levels

Do you want another penis stuck on your monitor?

He will be picking my studs from his bumhole

Show me your beetroot juice

I just love photographing children

British people do my tits in

I like the occasional sausage… I love a sausage

Is that Mike’s box?

Firstly, you’re a girl and secondly, you like leather

You bought him a cake? Suck up!

Wanking? IDK?

I’d marry Jerry Scheff

She did give it to me

Rimmed it

I like that it’s thick and creamy

Make it squeak

I’m all turned on

Create a vaccuum

Roll it up into a massive ball and shove it all in

Like Matilda

That’s huge yeah!

Might be empty in the head, but good in bed

Kev booted a glove at an innocent frenchman (10/05/2023)

I’ll have your mushroom, you can have my egg

Is that like scissoring but for men?

I gave one to Becky’s mum the other day

******* hell it’s massive

Why didn’t you give me an abdominal thrust?

Wow, he’s just so yummy

I love boys

Nothing left in any crevice

I like my melon in balls

That’s a long banana isn’t it…

I was really pleased that we managed to squeeze cox in

In my mouth daddy

I forgot about him fisting it

You haven’t pressed transfer, you nugget

Thanks I’m ill again!

I could step in them, I’ve got really pretty feet

With your feet, you’ll glide

I’ll take a beating I don’t mind

It’s better when it’s wet

Everytime you pulled them off, it went all over the ceiling

Most of the things I’ve seen are small.

Not in front of these two mate

That was mine!

I love buying new fabric softener

Oh god, I couldn’t stand to be dragged round there

Yes, he will… because he’s fat

I love their puddings

Don’t mind me, just having a lick

Check out those buns, buns of steel

Let me cream up

Just go home and have a sausage

I am trying to eat my rice

My lemon tree has a lemon on it

Smash the backdoors in

I love the sogginess

You’re the thing that everything goes through

I’ll come again

It’s classic gaslighting isn’t it

Big is relative

Get your baton out

I might not be able to do screwing

You know what, suck it!

Harry Dogger

I’m gonna worm you

I’ve only got little fingers

It’s too furry

I like when they’re hard

Fucking grinch shut the fuck up

*atchoo* ahh, that hurt my balls

Fannies are brilliant

I like stretching mi’lungs out

Don’t stick it in too hard, you might not get it out

I don’t mind a little cornichons

Did anyone else see the rainbow on the way to work this morning?

I was sweating my cock off in the kitchen

My first husband was a butcher, he wouldn’t eat sausage

Use it or lose it… sister

I think I just like animals

That lager doesn’t half make your bum hurt does it?

This last few weeks I’ve spent a long time staring at Cox, I think I need counselling

She wants Rob to splash her… that’s for certain

I am an absolute ******* *******

For someone that’s not inbred, you do look a bit weird

I think i’ve eaten too much cheese

Does anybody want a black anything?

There’s been some pretty good serial killers

my knee is itchy

you’re a big tasty man aren’t you

I have nothing against you or your mushrooms

How many fingers can you get up there?

There’s summat wrong with you

I can take that off and squirt it up my bum

I’m not doing any stripping tonight

Have you ever looked up hentai?

I’m going to degrade the **** out of it

Paul O’Grady – The Doggy Lover

I’m happy to knock your wall in

Quentin can study me

Is she a gusher?

That was the longest, hardest one.

Anyone want some of my nuts? it’s a good source of protein!

It’s noticeably big

I’ll fill that hole up with rubber stuff

Squirt a bit of that in

Compact and bijou

Just wanted to see what it smelt like when it popped!

I don’t know why it’s so hard

I wanna get out and stroke it

I prefer them when they’re hard

Hello

Mmmmm, meat juices.

It’s huge, I’ve never seen anything like it

Would you mind tempering your language, it’s foul

It’s gotta be over 6 inches before you can donate it

For the oral test that I had to do

You can stick yours in mine

Jeepers Creepers, I nearly had a heart attack

It was a pain in the bum to get it in anyway

You should literally eat her

I’ve got several on the go!

If you ever want to excite me, get me a sausage roll, waft it in front of my face

My chair is stuck on my shoelace, how did that happen?

I was practising earlier with my dad

There’s nothing wrong with them, stop being gay

Yeah but have you seen the size of it?

And he will be peeling my hair out of his mouth!

I love the sound of scissors

I love a green banana, they’re fresh and firm

Are you on about the gocompare guy?

It’s terrible about the gays and that

You’ve got tits in your back garden?

Give me a finger then

They could smack them balls, real hard

There’s more to a relationship than their phallus

I knew it was gonna be hard, that

I’ve seen clitorises bigger than that

You don’t need to go where you already are.

I don’t even like the thighs…

Sometimes it’s just too big

If i’m gonna smell of sperm, i want it to be mine!

Can’t you buy a bigger chair, for you?

I’ve just poked myself in the eye… I can’t see

I said I’ll do the dog

I know a gardener, that will come and trim my hedge

That is tapped innit…

Who wants to go to the shop anyway?…..it’s full of peasants.

She just got in between my legs!

That’s a nice looking burger.

I dont want to talk about feelings, I want to talk about engines.

Gotta be honest, it was quite a big one

Feel my card

Mines prettier because mine is black

My nipples are erect

You thought about your hammer before you used it

It might accidentally slip out

He was enormous.

Dan, I’d do ya

I’m not Klarnaing a fleshlight!

Tyler’s balls were in my face

Can you smell the wood?

I would never have chosen a white one.

Sometimes we want more than the tip, we want the full length

You can come as many times as you like

That’s my garden, have a look

She can put anything anywhere

It’s 25 cunting degrees!

You’ve got a lot to fiddle with there

Do you want work to do or do you want to go out on the dole?

It wasn’t an invite for people to **** me in the bum

You just squirted some stuff at me

I’ve got great tits

I’ve been in the back of a cow, and I loved it

Ooh, that was an hard one

And this one is too small…

if you don’t like toffee you can just have a finger!

I like brown meat anyway

He let me do that bird

It rubs off on you in the end as well doesn’t it

He’s not ugly, he’s just not beautiful in the conventional sense.

We always have a quickie in the kitchen

You like it when you get threatened

Ask her if we can have a look

It looks small in the pics, but its actually quite big

I think that was an F sharp

Shove them wherever they will go

We’ve got quite a few weapons now

That was the right key to my backdoor by the way mate

I like the way it shoots up your nose like mustard

My hole is actually wider

I like the gay one better

If you went to prison, you’d be currency

She’ll like it, don’t worry!